Check In Questions That Do Not Suck
Today, I’d like to air a grievance – and offer an alternative.
But before I do, I’d like to share a short list of things I’ve already done this morning to avoid writing:
- watch a YouTube video about the remodel of a tiny apartment in Amsterdam
- checked the news to see if any important world leaders died overnight
- checked People.com to stay up-to-date on celebrity shenanigans
- boiled water to make a cup of tea
- boiled different water to make one hard-boiled egg (even though I’m not hungry, yet)
- lit a candle on my porch for while I do Morning Pages
- ordered groceries
- did Morning Pages
- changed from night pajamas into day pajamas
- blew out that candle and lit a different one to sit at my dining table
- turned off my Spotify playlist which today was the “pop rap” filter of my Liked Songs
Cool. Just so we’re on the same page about what I’m capable of when it’s time to write ;)
Let’s get into it.
My grievance: garbage
check-ins. The alternative:
check-ins that are actually useful. At the top of a meeting, retreat, or event, someone makes a half-hearted attempt at a get-to-know-you question. The question is often unplanned, and stumbles into some inane wondering about “favorites.”
For example: favorite Tina Turner song? favorite band? favorite book? These prompts tempt you to believe that you’re deepening your relationships. My grievance, my annoyance, my ick regarding these low caliber questions are that while you may be getting snippets of insight, you are more often than not actually performing a middle school-esque sorting of who likes “cool” stuff and who does not.
Why do I care? And why should you?
What reads as casual or informal work talk often operates as a culture test - who fits in? who performs dominant culture well? and who can show off in ways that get the “good” kind of attention from people who have power around here? There are way better ways to check in, especially across meaningful lines of difference like race, religion, and gender.
Three keys to more meaningful workplace check-ins:
1) Take 3 minutes to plan. Don’t just wing it.
In context, given what you’re trying to accomplish together, check in about something that
would be truly useful to your shared work. For example, “What part of this project are you
thinking most about right now and why?”
2) Try out “Asks + Offers.”
For example, “I’d love to ask that folks give me project feedback over email by 5pm tomorrow,
and I can offer 15-minute phone calls for anyone that wants to talk through questions or ideas.”
3) Check the temperature of your teammates and your task.
Try, “Anything you’d like us to know about what you need from collaborators this week?”
The throughline above is to ask something work relevant, and in enough of an open-ended way that you’re not guiding folks to just tell you that “they’re fine” and “everything is fine.”
Meetings are expensive. Getting folks together live (online or in-person) is precious. Use that time well!
Finally, I want to name that workplace check-ins should not be about forcing folks to overly disclose, over share, or attempting to hotwire connection. In my opinion, solid check in questions are invitations; people can share whatever they’d like in whatever level of detail they are comfortable. Substantive check in questions can crack open windows of insight in ways that you may not get through other mediums such as email and Slack.
Try it out. I’d love to hear what check-ins have led to better understanding on your team.
If you’d like support around this or any of the other topics I’ve shared in my essays, I’ve got space inmy coaching practice this spring and would love to have your back. Feel free to reach out!
My commitment to you, is that next week I will share Essay #10 out of 52 about my 7-minute rule.
Yours,