Gossip is Gross. Knowing Stuff Can Be Cool.

Secrets. Hiding. Access. Privilege. Trust. Vault. Knowing.

In a work setting, who gets to know what? when? why? and at what level of detail?

I have been in a lot of conversations about “transparency” in recent years. From an equity perspective, there has been warranted push back on information kept “private,” that resulted in outcomes such as women and People of Color getting underpaid but not necessarily knowing it.

Now is probably a good time for me to disclose that I have a long habit of watching period piece tv and movies. I am fascinated by the “before-times.” I get engrossed in the history, the politicking, the romance – the whole deal. I bring this up now, because whenever I’m following storylines and historic events that took place centuries ago, there is regularly a religious component to whatever strife is befalling the protagonist and their clan.

Depending on what I’m watching, there is often a powerful in-group and a restless out-group. There are secrets being traded in hallways. There are invite only councils and middle of the night meetings. There are clandestine get togethers – such as cardinals meeting in conclave to pick the next Pope. As a non-Catholic, I was amazed to learn that the way they share their ultimate decision is through a plume of white smoke. It’s wild.

I get it, I’m watching fiction. But sometimes, that fiction comes with hints of reality. I mean, Vikings originally aired on the History Channel – so if you ask me, that’s a pretty legit source.

Here in 2024, workers are sick and tired of secret meetings. Workers are over leaders who seem to hide behind petulant sounding excuses for not sharing information that feels like it should be readily available. Workers want access to data, reasoning, and the pathway to decision-making.

Makes sense to me.

I’d like to take this opportunity to pair transparency with confidentiality. They go together. There is connective tissue.

Why is this important to remember? Because we live and work in an era when we have more information than ever before about the people we work alongside.

Without really looking for it, if I’m social media friends with a colleague, I might bear witness to their parent’s hospice care journey, their vacation pics in a bikini, and their most recent car purchase. It’s a lot.

So, in some ways, there is built in societal and culture transparency right now. We get to, essentially, follow along the Captain’s Log of someone else’s life.

I’m at a point in my own life where I’m thinking about balance quite a bit. At 43, I have lived through multiple pendulum swings – of politics, of health, of culture. When we swing way in one direction, there is often a response trying to pull back to somewhere in the gray area – less either/or thinking. And let me be very clear – to me “balance” is not synonymous with aiming for the middle. No one who knows me would call me a Centrist. What I mean by a focus on balance is the complex understanding that for me, has come more in mid-life, that multiple things can be true at one time, and that things are often complex rather than simply black and white.

At work, in the U.S., because we are entangled in a capitalist economy, our workplace is often a location where we need to talk about money, our bodies (think healthcare benefits), and our desires for our future and our families. That’s a lot of sensitive information flowing within one ecosystem.

Based on the conversations I’ve had with clients, here are my current recommendations on things to watch out for and be mindful of in your own approach to living your values around both transparency and confidentiality:

RE Transparency in my workplace:

o It is imperative that I have access to pay bands/pay scales so that I can ensure I am being compensated properly.

o I need to know the path to increased leadership, opportunity, and access within my organization – I do not want to feel as though promotions are totally mysterious, political, or arbitrary.

o I am happy to be read in on challenges and barriers we are facing as a company – as another adult working here, perhaps I can help us problem-solve through some it.

RE Confidentiality in my workplace:

o I do not want everyone to know all of my business. For example,

- if my wages are getting garnished because of a debt,

- if my family constellation is in the midst of changing (ex. divorce, pregnancy loss, etc.),

- if some stuff is going on related to my health – such as a new diagnosis,

I may speak to just my direct supervisor and HR and trust that they will keep my confidence.

I may share broad brush strokes about what’s happening with people who need to know, but if I choose not to disclose details that you happen to be curious about, I hope you’ll respect that.

o I do not want everyone to know that I’m on a performance improvement plan. Chances are, some of my closest colleagues will be aware that I’m having trouble with my deliverables, deadlines, the quality of my work, etc. It feels, at the very least, embarrassing when I am struggling in my role. Please don’t gossip about me while I’m working to make corrections – I promise you it doesn’t help me perform better.

A note about white privilege: privilege is a beast. I still feel it’s pull all the time. I want to know someone, I want to know something, and I convince myself it’s good and right and fair and I deserve that kind of access. But here’s the thing, there is actually quite a lot that is not for me. I haven’t earned it. I don’t need it. I’m just used to being invited everywhere and included in everything. Plus, I have been indoctrinated with the belief that I can and will add value wherever I go.

What an ego trip.

Not everything is for me. I can be in real and right relationship with my colleagues and not need every single detail about their life and work – even though I might think it would foster an even “closer” working relationship. From time to time, I have to remind myself to get over myself. I value consent. So rather than pry and poke and gossip, I can breathe, exercise some patience and self-restraint, and I can operate with whatever info I do have.

Final offerings when traversing the dance between transparency and confidentiality, I try to regularly consider the following questions:

o What is my business? How did I decide that?

o What do I need to know? In order to do my job, advocate for what I need, and be effective in my role?

o When do I notice wanting information that is someone else’s? Where do I think that’s coming from?

Thank you for reading this – for considering the trade-offs, trajectory, and relationship between important points of transparency, and important points of confidentiality in the workplace.

My commitment to you, is that next week I will share Essay #15 out of 52, which will be the start of a multi-week Spring Break Series centered around U.S. workplaces and the tension around paid time off.

Yours,