Spring Break Series: We’re Pretty Judgmental About Other People’s Vacations

An essay about vacation marks the end of this Spring Break Series. We’ve addressed the complexities of sick time, religious and federal holidays, bereavement and loss, and paid time off, generally.

I’ve saved vacation for last because it seems to me, fraught, in particular ways.

What do I mean, ‘fraught’? Vacation is supposed to be fun! Right?

Well, what I keep coming back to when I think about paid vacation is – race, class, and gender.

 Who is expected to have ‘earned’ a vacation, and who is expected to continue serving a family and/or community?

 Who has ever been able to afford a vacation given a systemic history of being under-paid, under-employed, and/or living paycheck-to-paycheck?

 Whose ‘work’ is valued the most and the most widely and whose work is thought of as ‘not that hard’ and therefore not requiring much time off to recover?

Around the globe, there are wildly different cultural relationships to rest, relaxation, rejuvenation, and play. In some regions, countries, or towns it is the norm to shut down damn near all businesses for a month and everyone take a holiday. In other places or industries (think hospitality, academia, etc.), there are predictable “high” and “low” seasons with time off for everyone planned during key breaks in the work.

Back to race, class, and gender…

 Who is expected to go on vacations and who is not?

 Who can afford them?

 Who has responsibilities in community and within a family that may make taking a vacation feel more stressful than relaxing?

White people are more likely to be practiced at having jobs with paid vacation days. Rich people and the middle class are more likely to have vacation traditions than people and communities generationally relegated to the working poor. And men are more likely to shoulder less of the home and family burden than women which is often a whole batch of unpaid labor on top of part or fulltime jobs.

Let’s also touch on workaholism, capitalism, and perceptions of company loyalty, ambition, and leadership. In my memory, there are a huge number of films and novels set in the context of going on vacation. There are often silly and ridiculous challenges these protagonist vacationing families or individuals face. But there is also often a ‘stay back at the office’ character – some ‘responsible’ person showing the boss that they are willing to keep everything under control while other folks are away.

For those of us that work in offices (or virtually), vacation time can feel strange because there seems to be an element of cultural bartering and even showmanship. Meaning, if I’m trying to advance in the promotion pecking order by proving how much I’m willing and able to work, I may skip vacation entirely. In doing so, I am in the midst of martyring myself - trying to show that I care a lot or I care the most. I purposefully place myself in stark contrast to my vapid, vain, and underwhelming colleagues who do terribly ‘unproductive’ things like going to the beach. Are you picturing this dynamic? I certainly can.

There’s also something I’m going to call the ‘cool kid factor’ of whose idea of a ‘good time’ is shared by which colleagues? For example, are you a:

 Dick’s Sporting Goods family who is all excited about your upcoming camping trip and hike?

 Are you part of a Sandals resort couple? Ready to lie by a pool at an all-inclusive somewhere or other?

 Are you cruise people? Sauntering around the Lido deck and dressing up for dinner and a show each night?

 Are you international travelers? Making progress on a goal you’ve set for yourself of number of passport stamps?

 Are you in your Wisconsin Dells phase of life? Bringing your kids to an epic waterpark where they get so tired out during the day you actually get to spend time with your spouse in the carpeted hallway of the hotel once your kids pass out sprawled across the double beds, still smelling of chlorine?

See what I’m getting at? I think we’re pretty judgmental about what other people decide sounds fun. We have Instagram and Facebook and are therefore exposed to the most opulent vacations imaginable. From major adventures to multi-week stays in paradise, the idea of an epic and unforgettable vacation can feel intoxicating.

The reality is, depending on our health, our budget, and our season of life – what feels viable as a vacation to one of our colleagues may currently feel light-years away to us. And we are each capable of jealousy, envy, and judgment. Those feelings can seep into our working relationships.

So, what’s the antidote? How can workers and workplaces imagine making time for rest and restoration?

#1 – Keep your eyes on your own paper.

This rule takes me back to high school math class. We were seated in neat rows, we had our clunky calculators, and I was sitting there wondering if and when trigonometry was ever going to be relevant beyond the four walls of this classroom.

My recollection is that we had quizzes every week and tests multiple times per month. Some people hid their answers well, others wrote clearly, and their papers were available for anyone with good enough peripheral vision to glance over. It felt hard not to cheat, especially when that phase of education was so much about memorization and there simply wasn’t enough room in my brain for all these facts and figures. I’m happy to report, more often than not, I didn’t look. I tried my best to keep my eyes on my own paper.

When it comes to making time for planned days away from work – YOU are the one with your job. You know your goals, your tasks, and your calendar. Regardless of what your colleagues need and want in terms of paid time off - do you, don’t do them. It is difficult not to be influenced by everyone around you – but a sign of maturity and leadership includes foresight to plan what you need so that you can perform when you’re at work. Days off aren’t a nice to have. They’re a need to have.

#2 – Encourage and/or mandate that folks use their days off.

Rather than leaving room for cultural jockeying regarding who does and doesn’t go on vacation, encourage and/or mandate that your employees use their designated days off. The goal here is clear – you need and want your workforce to be well. That includes well rested.

For those of us that have high creativity, high problem-solving, high complexity, high collaboration jobs, our brains and bodies actually REQUIRE that we rest. We are not machines. And it is not “impressive” to watch folks work themselves into the ground – with predictably diminishing returns.

We are currently working in a societal culture that values “hard work.” That’s great. It also might mean that we mandate time off so folks don’t accidentally over work and then burn out. It is in the best interest of your company and your employees to take time off. If that’s a staycation and all they do is catch up on sleep – cool. You don’t need to control what they do with their time off, you just need to make sure they have some time not working.

#3 – Stop differentiating kinds of days off.

By now, I hope I’m feeling like a broken record on this score. Workers want freedom. Millennials are asking for it, Gen Z is demanding it, and generation Alpha (coming soon to a workplace near you) won’t even consider stepping foot in a workplace that micromanages and/or over works.

For many of us, we have decades of ingrained programming that connects tenure and ‘paying our dues,’ ‘putting in our time,’ with eventually earning vacation days off only after we have proven that we deserve it.

We have some unlearning to do.

Wanting, and needing time off is not, in fact, a sign of weakness or a lack of ambition. It is, quite the contrary, a sign of accurate self-awareness – a laudable leadership quality, in fact!

Friends, that’s what I’ve got for you as I wrap up this Spring Break Series. Thank you for engaging in this deep dive with me of all the ways that U.S. workers have gotten ourselves into a warped relationship with time off. Thank you for considering the alternatives I’ve presented.

If you want help re-vamping your organization’s policies, practices, and culture – let me know (trina@trinaolson.com). I am more than happy to provide an ‘objective third party’ voice as to why a reimagining of workplace benefits is both wise and worth it.

Next week I’m switching things up – I’ll be digging into the troubling ways that colleagues are treating each other by performing a deep dive into the phenomenon of horizontal violence. Thank you again for being with me on this journey of 52 essays in 52 weeks.

More next week,