What a Co-Conspirator Is + Isn’t

I’ve been thinking about ‘ally-ship’ lately.

As I listened to and watched snippets of the Democratic National Convention last week I was reminded how for me, it hits different, when someone spoke about standing up for and with a community that was not their own.

For example, Governor Tim Walz talked about being aware that being a football coach AND the faculty member to support/sponsor his school’s Gay-Straight Alliance would send a signal – a positive signal. Breaking down stereotypes and tropes about who would and could be part of movements for queer safety and liberation – there is something about acknowledging:

A) This ISN’T about me, and

B) I can see how ME SHOWING UP to be part of this could advance the cause

There were many other examples from the stage of leaders consciously choosing to align and connect themselves to movements for liberation that may not necessarily impact their own bodies directly. For example:

 Men talking about how – of course – they trust women to make decisions about their own bodies

 U.S. born people talking about the need to treat immigrants and migrants with dignity and respect

 White folks naming their awareness that racism remains an ongoing crisis and scourge that must be addressed holistically

I wanted to take the opportunity of this week’s essay to flag a few things. I thought I could use the creative constraint of the length of a reasonable essay to break down the key components of allyship and co-conspiratorship in our modern world and modern movements.

Like “Name That Tune” – that wild show I used to watch re-runs of as a kid where I figured participants who guessed songs correctly after just one or two notes were either cheating, clairvoyant, or savants, I’ll try to share what I’m thinking as concisely as possible. Let’s try this in three points…

1) It is valuable to revisit ten opportunities to consciously use your power for good.

Using the Team Dynamics’ Embodied Identity House model it is predictable that most of us are paying most attention to the facets of our identities and lives where we have been treated badly.

This makes sense – our bodies and brains are wired to keep us alive. Systemic and predictable discrimination, harassment, and violence means most of us are wired to be on ‘high-alert,’ well-earned hypervigilance about a handful of identities in this House.

For some of us, our attention is, understandably, on the lookout for:

- Signs of RACISM – Are we safe? Is this person safe? Is this situation safe for me, or not?

- Signs of SEXISM – Are we safe? Is this person safe? Is this situation safe for me, or not?

- Signs of HOMOPHOBIA or TRANSPHOBIA – Are we safe? Is this person safe? Is this situation safe for me, or not?

You get it.

When considering the possible power you have to be an effective ally or co-conspirator - power that may be going un or under-utilized at the moment – re-visit the house and practice getting tapped into all ten predictable facets of inequity illustrated in that model.

With each category of identity highlighted, you can ask yourself, “where and when are there opportunities for me to show up better, more consistently, more effectively, to people and communities that are often discriminated against and of which I am not a part?”

1. Race + Racism --- how am I showing up for people and communities of color (other than my own)?

2. Gender + Sexism/Transphobia --- how am I showing up for women, trans folks, and femme- presenting people?

3. Ethnicity + Racism/Anti-Semitism/Islamophobia/Xenophobia --- how am I showing up for people beyond those from Western European lineage?

4. Sexuality + Homophobia/Biphobia --- how am I showing up for people who are not straight?

5. Age + Ageism --- how am I showing up for young people? And older adults/seniors/elders?

6. Class + Classism --- how am I showing up for people with less access to cash, capital, and generational wealth transfer than I have?

7. Religion/Faith + Anti-Semitism/Islamophobia --- how am I showing up for people and communities beyond those just associated with Christianity?

8. Ability/Disability + Ableism --- how am I showing up for people who are differently abled than me?

9. Language --- how am I showing up for people for whom English is not their first or only language?

10. Immigration + Racism/Xenophobia --- how am I showing up for people who happened not to have been born inside the borders of the currently defined U.S.?

I understand this is a big list to learn to pay attention to - AND I believe in your ability to get good at revisiting it and regularly checking in. The more consistently you practice paying attention to this wide array of differences (that make a predictable difference in health, wealth, and well-being), the more often it will occur to you that YOU can show up in deep and meaningful ways to support people and communities you care about.

2) It is valuable to wrestle with what is at stake when you step into the arena next to your friends.

For a few years now, in movement spaces (think the environmental movement, the racial justice movement, the reproductive freedom movement) there have been active and public conversations about what targeted communities do and do not want from well-intentioned people that are NOT part of the communities in which they are advocating.

So, what is the difference between being an ally and a co-conspirator? Is it semantics? Is it meaningful? What is the value of these words and these concepts evolving over time?

Recently, I have been talking with multiple white clients about co-conspiratorship in being part of multiracial staff teams. I like this definition from the National Education Association a lot:

Co-Conspirator Defined

A co-conspirator is someone who is compelled to take action against racism and oppression regardless of the consequences. A co-conspirator is unapologetically anti-racist and committed to dismantling the system of White supremacy culture and the benefits they receive from it.

Co-conspirators:

 commit to listening and learning;

 make daily choices and takes steps to eliminate racism and oppression;

 sacrifice their own privilege and power in the daily battle against racism and oppression;

 cede power while using privilege to invite others to lead;

 work alongside the communities they support;

 willingly take political risks to advance the needs of others;

 ensure actions are impactful and lead to actionable change;

 are uncompromising in providing high-quality education for black and brown children;

 serve as active agents of change who realize their own stake in eradicating White supremacy;”

To me, this feels like a useful and clear clarion call and job description. When trying to remember and/or figure out what I could or should do or try next, I can revisit this list and hone in on spots where I have room to improve.

I also think part of the move from ally to co-conspirator is designed to highlight the difference between virtue-signaling and what has felt like performative activism to many – to folks who are ready, willing, and able to live into the tenacious and probably lifelong commitment to taking meaningful and strategic action.

Co-conpiratorship is NOT about who posts the most or writes the most provocative public statement.

Co-conpiratorship, to my understanding, is about knowing who you can trust and turn to when shit is getting hard. It’s about putting your time, money, body, and heart where your mouth is.

Who is not going to bail when it’s uncomfortable? Who is going to do the important inner work required to keep extracting supremacy programming out of their own bodies? Who is going to understand that it is most often the responsibility of the perpetrators of injustice to clean up our side of the street?

Said plainly,

- It’s men who are doing the majority of the raping; it’s men’s job to fucking fix it.

- It’s white people who are giving other white people the leg up on hiring, pay, and promotion

– it’s white people’s job to cut that shit out.

- It’s Christian people who are losing their minds about living in a multi-faith country – it’s Christians who need to calm the hell down.

You see what I’m saying.

For far too long and far too often, we have placed the burden of organizing and radical reimagining on the people and communities who are screwed by the current system. It’s a very “blame the victim” mentality. We can flip that script and reimagine ourselves as central players in the fight for equity, justice, and liberation.

I highly encourage you to click through and watch this short clip of Black female leaders discussing what, to them, makes a co-conspirator and why it matters.

3) It is valuable to know the difference between what is your job and what is NOT your job.

Not everything is for you. Not everything is about you. Not everything includes you.

These are rough realities for folks who have been raised and steeped in privilege. People like myself. If I’m honest, I want access to ALL THE THINGS! All meetings, all rooms, all relationships, and all groups.

But here’s the thing – I have NOT EARNED that right.

Not everything is for me.

And there is a ton of value in making peace with confidence and humility. Confidence that my relationships across meaningful lines of difference are intact even when I am not invited and not included in something. The humility that I will always have a lot to learn about lived experiences that are different than my own.

When thinking about allyship and co-conspiratorship I try to remain especially mindful about two slippery slopes I can fall into if I’m not conscious and careful—first, a charity model. I grew up in the 1980s, and I remember being inundated with TV commercials showing pamphlets and video footage of bald, Black, emaciated children in Ethiopia. The tag lines to these fundraising campaigns were something like, “for the price of a cup of coffee you could save a child.” This was 40+ years ago, so this is not me berating communications professionals of that time. The reason I am bringing this up now is that a “save the poor sad _______” insert (animal, river, community) is a prime example of an intent and impact MISS.

The goal, ideally, is to draw attention to suffering and the need to take action. Unfortunately, this

paradigm sets up some of us to be the proverbial “saviors” of the—to put it Biblically—“wayward and

unwashed.”

Paternalism, as defined by scholar Tema Okun is problematic, in part because,

o “those holding power assume they are qualified to (and entitled to) define standards and the one right way as well as make decisions for and in the interests of those without power

o those holding power often don’t think it is important or necessary to understand the viewpoint or experience of those for whom they are making decisions, often labeling those for whom they are making decisions as unqualified intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, or physically”

In very good news, Okun lays out alternatives and paths away from paternalism. From Okun’s antidote section:

o “when working with communities from a different culture than yours or your organization’s, be clear that you have some learning to do about the communities’ ways of doing; assume that you or your organization can’t possibly know what’s best for a community in isolation from meaningful relationships with that community”

o make sure that everyone knows and understands the decision-making hierarchy in the community and/or organization (transparency)

o make sure everyone knows and understands their level of responsibility and authority in the organization

o avoid making decisions in the absence of those most affected by those decisions or, said more proactively, always include those most affected in the brainstorming and decision- making

o support people at all levels of power to understand how power operates, their level of power, what holding power responsibly looks like, and how to collectively resist and heal from internalized tendencies to hoard and defend power”

Okay, so that was not my most concise essay. But it was the zippiest way I could think of to present the opportunity to choose co-conspiracy today.

I would love to learn how you have been waking up to more opportunities to be a meaningful co- conspirator. Send me a story, antidote, or question about co-conspiratorship – trina@trinaolson.com.

I will leave you with this invitation, which you may recognize. It is attributed to Lilla Watson, an Indigenous Australian visual artist, activist, and academic working in the fields of Women’s issues and Aboriginal epistemology. “If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time, but if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”

P.S. Last chance to take advantage of Early Bird Registration prices for my Four-Part Cohort for Leaders. Email me before September 1 and we can talk through options for your participation.

Onward,

-Trina