Your Relationship to Change
I woke up this morning thinking about my relationship to change.
The inciting incident for my current change reflection is that I’m getting ready to move. My house went up for sale this past weekend, and I hope to be in a new spot before the snow falls.
I’m not moving far – very likely within a mile of where I currently sit. But I’m looking for more trees. I need space to build a bunkroom for when my nieces come to visit. And my close friends all reflect to me that my mental and spiritual health both seem lighter when I have a project to work on with my hands (a garden, a kitchen reno, a painting project). I’m both nervous and excited!
Another needed change in my life involves rearranging how I spend my work week so that I can figure out how to complete my book manuscript. For a season, I saved Fridays as my book day, and that worked for a while. But for a variety of reasons, it’s not working anymore, so it’s time to find something else.
Because I live in Minnesota, and its currently mid-September, I am also feeling the coming shift in literal seasons. It’s going to be above 80 degrees for the next ten days, but the mornings are getting cooler (in the 50s), and it’s now pitch black by 8 p.m. CST. You can sense the change in the air, the trees, and the wardrobes.
I wanted to speak with you about change because navigating change is critical to intercultural capacity.
As children, adolescents, and adults, some of us receive many signals, and even feedback, about how “good” or “bad” we are at handling change.
If we care about tackling racism, sexism, and other injustices, I believe it is wise to detach from our own previous beliefs about our ability to manage change and recognize that, as adults, we can choose to build some new skills and approaches to change now.
Here’s what I mean: If and when we consciously or unconsciously calcify around a fixed belief like, “I hate change,” “I’m not good at change,” or “I do everything I can to avoid change!” we create unhelpful self-fulfilling prophecies.
One of my favorite facets to teach about intercultural capacity building is that part of the shift from a Minimization Mindset (where we over-index on commonalities and avoid difference) to the Acceptance Mindset (where we are first able to hold the complexity of both similarities and differences) is that as we grow, we are better able to deal with the context and reality in front of us.
Let me say it simply – actual reality involves a mix of comforting routines and surprising changes – both.
For example, a whole lot of us appreciate and value nighttime and morning routines. Routine can help us wind down and wake up. We consciously create little routines to help set ourselves up for success.
A whole lot of us also find a ton of value in travel. On travel days, routines are often thrown out the window for a short time. We wake up in new places, around new people, different food, different customs, different time zones, and different languages. There can be a sense of anxiety, excitement, and energy in using our brain, body, and senses in ways that are not often activated in our ‘regular lives.’
- Some of us like to eat similar meals most days. Others of us like to switch it up often.
- Some of us like to drive the same route to do our errands. Others of us like to meander down new streets.
- Some of us like to sign up for classes that meet the same day and time each week. Others like to purchase a package of classes that we can drop in to when we have space in our calendars.
Neither approach to life, routine, and change is better or worse. There is zero need to rank order, judge others, or judge yourself.
In intercultural capacity building our job is first to notice – notice what is feeling familiar and what is feeling ‘new’ to us. Notice patterns, notice behavior, notice approach.
At work, when we care about colleagues across meaningful lines of difference (ex. race, class, ability, etc.) we will be called to change what we pay attention to and change how we react to the people and opportunities present.
Navigating change well is a skill set important to the world we live in now and the world that is unfolding before us. If we double down and resist change, convincing ourselves we can’t get good at it, we will set ourselves up for failure.
Warm up to change by considering the following questions:
- When a colleague is of a different race, age, and class than us, what might we change about how we show up to ensure we understand one another well during a meeting?
- When a colleague is of a different religion, ethnicity, and language than us, what might we change about how we show up to ensure we are reliable teammates on a project team?
- When a colleague has different abilities and disabilities than our own (for example, say you are neurodivergent and you’re trying to work well with a neurotypical colleague), what might we change about how we check in with one another in order to get the best out of both of us?
I get it; change can feel scary sometimes.
Change often signals newness. There is something new to navigate, something new to figure out, something new to leverage in service of shared goals.
If you have had fleeting or lasting thoughts about your own challenges with change up until this point, I invite you to take this opportunity to revisit and rebuild your relationship to change.
- It was a change to start introducing myself with my pronouns when that wasn’t what I was doing before.
- It was a change to name my awareness of my race as a white person being relevant in all my interactions in the U.S.
- It was a change to figure out how to set up healthcare benefits that were more inclusive than
the ‘standard’ packages offered to me by insurance brokers.
Change is not always seismic, and it’s not always terribly hard. Shifting, changing, and adjusting is part of being alive, alert, and awake to our surroundings. We move the steering wheel a bunch when we drive because there are potholes and turns and other cars to navigate. Rather than digging our heels in and resisting the obvious need to adjust, we can choose instead to strive for flow.
Embracing change does not mean being unmoored. Embracing change does not mean your workday will turn into willy nilly shifts, all reactive and surprising. You can still have your gaze fixed on your particular horizon lines – for me that’s living aligned with my values and in service of clear goals. I want to make an impact. I want to be kind and compassionate doing it.
I encourage you to take three minutes now to grab a piece of scrap paper nearby and jot down the kinds of change you feel currently practiced at and good about. Then write down a short list of the kinds of changes you can feel yourself resisting.
Take a moment to explore that – why do you think you’re fighting these particular changes? What can you imagine trying that might feel even a little bit better?
I am betting that with some practice and some recalibrating, you can think of yourself as highly capable of change when change is in service of one of your goals.
You don’t have to hate or love change. You just have to be able to navigate change when it is required.
I believe in you! I believe in us! Let’s make the changes we need in the world.
P.S. I currently have space for 5 more coaching clients this fall – so if you or someone you know are looking for support, reach out trina@trinaolson.com.
Onward,