26 of 52

This is Essay #26. The goal I set for myself was to share one essay per week - for one year - publicly. That means, as of this week, we’ve reached the halfway point!

Have you ever taken a walk alongside the ocean? In my experience, at some point, you have to decide to turn around and start walking back. Instead of the ocean being on my right, it’s now on my left. On some walks the second half has flown by. On others, the home stretch has felt interminable. Like molasses has been poured onto my path, my feet are heavy, and it takes concentration and stick-tu-i-tiv-ness to finish what I’ve started.

If the past predicts the future, I have a history of being a ‘strong closer.’ In the (forced) gym class- induced mile run in elementary school, I jogged at a pace where I can still recall being acutely aware of the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. I usually finished somewhere in the middle of the pack. But when I could finally see the finish line, somehow some way I could find a way to turn on my afterburners. Up until that point, I hadn’t felt that there was any reserve energy in my tank. And then, with the prospect of this whole ordeal being soon over, I could surprise myself with the ability to pick up the pace and accelerate to and through the finish line.

All this is to say, December 2023 (when I started this essay project) feels like a million years ago. As time is want to do, it also feels like yesterday. These essays have punctuated each week in a way that makes it easier to remember even ‘ordinary’ weeks in my year thus far.

I want to say that I truly appreciate the time you have spent reading, listening, or both. You have been so kind and encouraging, letting me know you are reading and finding value in these essays.

Seeing we’ve now made it to the halfway point together, I thought I’d make some space to reflect on what I’ve learned and felt so far. My goal was to pay attention to the process of writing and publishing these essays at least as much as the content of the essays themselves.

I like to check in with clients and friends by asking this three-part question, “How are you doing – Head? Heart? Body?”

I like this prompt because it is a short and simple way to get a for-real snapshot of what’s happening in a person I care about. It touches the wisdom centers and makes space for complex people to share the richness of their human experience. For example, it might be helpful to know that I’ve been in pain all day (with a backache) and also that I’ve been marinating in immense feelings of warmth and gratitude lately. We contain multitudes!

So, Head? Heart? Body? Here are my essay project mid-point reflections:

HEAD

 It has taken mental discipline to remember that perfect is NOT the goal of this project. When I share things after only proofreading once, everyone is still able to understand the essence, and no one thinks I got stupid. Showing a ‘less polished’ version of my work is new, so it feels funny.

 I’ve appreciated the opportunity to mine memories. At the start of this project, I didn’t know that sharing stories from my past and present would become part of how I describe my vantage point and perspective. It has been interesting to go into my way-back-machine mentally and recall details of interactions and relationships I haven’t thought about in years!

 Percolating has become part of my process. There are all sorts of advice and thoughts about how a person can set themselves up for success writing. So far, I’ve tried it on my laptop, using my second monitor, and even handwriting onto copy paper attached to a clipboard.

I feel like a non-rhyming version of Dr. Suess: I’ve written in my house, I’ve written outside, I’ve written at a picnic table, I’ve typed with my thumbs into my phone's notes app, I’ve written in silence, I’ve written to music, I’ve written at a coffee shop, and then at a different coffee shop. The modality, day of the week, time of day, and location do NOT seem to be differences that make a difference.

What has proven more impactful thus far is starting to ruminate on a topic, a key question, a wondering, or an idea a few days before actually sitting down to write. Time for my thoughts to both meander and mature feels valuable. In a culture obsessed with speed, the usefulness of time to percolate is noted.

HEART

 It has made my heart sing to connect with you when an essay strikes a chord. I didn’t foresee the emails, texts, and video calls with new and old friends. Connecting on a heart level – learning about what resonated from a particular essay and why has been the most unexpected outgrowth of this project – currently it’s my very favorite part! And it’s been especially fun to share links to music, writing, and videos of smarty-pants people I listen to and learn from all the time. I am glad to have gotten this opportunity to expand the circle of who knows about these ever-growing and important bodies of work.

 Writing and sharing publicly have both been their own emotional rollercoasters. In some weeks, I am looking forward to essay time on my calendar. Other weeks, I dread it – impressing myself with the sheer volume and variety of things I can do instead of writing ;)

 Vulnerable is the primary vibe. Sharing involves vulnerability. I know that I’m primarily talking about work and workplaces in my essay, but boy, oh boy, both matter to me. I am keenly aware of how much time and energy each of us spends at our jobs over the course of our lives. I desperately want that experience to feel safe, valuable, and purpose-filled.

My good friend Sarah and I went to a long-awaited Lumineers concert after more than a year and a half of COVID delays. They are excellent live performers and storytellers and really put on a show. They have a lyric I refer to often (as in more than once per month) which goes:

“The opposite of love is indifference.”

I agree. I most certainly do care. And that’s better than not caring at all. So perhaps what I’m learning through this essay project is that I can continue to feel intellectually, relationally, and publicly vulnerable and it still hasn’t killed me ;)

BODY

 I sleep pretty weird. Not poorly. Not even fitfully. Just weird. Because I’ve always got an essay coming up (the second I finish whatever one I’m on), there are thoughts, wonderings, and feelings that work their way into my subconscious and have led to surprise 5am wake-ups with an idea or trouble getting tired because I’m still active somewhere in the recesses in my mind.

I’ve experienced this before – in a new job, a new relationship, or after a move. I’m in the process of working on something, and my body gets involved because it comes along for the ride whether it is knowingly signed up or not!

 I feel ‘roller coaster tummy’ some Thursday mornings when I wake up and realize this week’s essay has gone live. Lucky for me, I work with my friend Amir who does the posting and email sending. I primarily feel relief when I send it over to him for posting. Thursdays are the reminder that now it’s available for the world to see. Eeek!

 Confidence and humility. I’ve spoken of this important combination before. It has proven especially apt for my essay project. I am now confident that I can and will share one essay publicly per week. When I first made this goal for myself, I was hoping it was something I was capable of, but I didn’t yet know if I could do it. I also have the humility to know that I am making one offering into a very large ecosystem. My essay each week will neither be the beginning or end of the world. Like yoga, my job is to get to the mat. In this case – to my laptop. If I think too hard about completing all the moves and making it through the entire thing it can feel daunting. My job is to make the commitment and to then honor my commitment. Get to the mat.

My hope is that each essay can contain one or more nuggets that make a contribution, that add to the dialogue we are each trying to have about how now and the future can both get tangibly better. My goal is to speak truth, share my experience, and get us in dialogue about moving forward.

I continue to believe in us and am incredibly grateful for this community of readers and listeners thus far. If you have been reading since the first essay went live last December or this is your very first week, what have you noticed in yourself? Has anything shifted? Changed? Or become more clear for you? I’d love to hear about it! Send me a note (trina@trinaolson.com) or write a comment on the LinkedIn post.

As always, if you find this valuable I’d love for you to forward it to a few friends and colleagues you think may appreciate it, too.

Halfway! 26 weeks to go. We’ve got this.

Til next week,