My Purpose + Your Purpose Can Probably Coexist

People crave a sense of purpose. Many of us want to feel like what we’re doing matters. And that may not take the shape of one grandiose or singular purpose. We would like to feel like we’re not just floating through the ether – some sort of tether, grounding, and sense of impact can help give our life meaning.

Work is especially interwoven with our sense of personal identity and self in the U.S. There is an assumption that our jobs are synonymous with our purpose. It is very common upon first meeting other people who live in the U.S. for the conversation to begin with, “What do you do for work?”

Interestingly, this is not the way all cultures conduct getting-to-know-yous.

In some communities (racial, ethnic, religious) and across different locations on the globe, work questions may arise only after inquiries about family, faith practices, or what’s going on in your neighborhood.

Personally, I don’t find any of these frames better or worse. They are just different.

- For some of us, talking about family feels fun. For others of us, family is not a preferred topic of conversation.

- For some of us, talking about place and where we fit in amongst our neighborhood ecosystem is a pleasure—we are happy to paint the picture of who knows who and how everyone goes together. For others of us, where we live and who we live near do not play a central role in what we pay attention to currently.

- For some of us, talking about work, our company, our role, and what we do feels like it accurately provides insight into our values and ambitions. For others of us, our current job feels pretty far away from what gives us a sense of purpose, peace, or direction.

Again, I don’t think it’s naughty to lead with work. I often do. But I’m flagging this because it can be helpful to understand and practice working with and alongside colleagues whose attention is currently captured by something else. That could be health, a new relationship, a community project, or a hobby.

Depending on the small talk and folks’ answers to “how was your weekend?” you’ll likely learn about a wide range of ways your colleagues spend their time, attention, and energy.

My perspective on what makes a “good colleague” has been shaped by the people I have been lucky enough to work alongside and learn from. Believe it or not, I have worked with folks that were 18 – fresh into adulthood and learning the ropes of a “big kid job” for the very first time. I have also had the pleasure of working with elders my entire career – folks who were further along life’s path than me.

I’ll never forget Tim, who was on my team of voter registration canvassers back in 2004. Tim was in his 80s. And when we hit our goal of registering more than 50,000 low-income people and People of Color to vote in Seattle, I sent a limousine to pick up my dozen or so staff members where they were waiting for their buses to get back to the office. The smile on Tim’s face when he exited the limo is something I can still picture 20 years later.

I bring all of this up in this week’s essay because there seems to be an ongoing “purity test” of sorts when it comes to Americans and work. Who cares the most? Who is the most loyal? Who is the most invested in our team or project’s success?

These are not wise or useful questions, in my opinion.

What I’ve experienced over the years is that what I need is for my colleagues to care enough.

If we are united and clear about purpose, project, creative constraints, and markers of quality – then anyone can tap in, bringing the energy and expertise we’ve asked them for, and do a great job!

Your colleague might be as excited as you, less excited as you, or just differently excited than you about what you’re working on now. That’s okay. We can do our jobs and do them consistently and well even when we are finding our sense of purpose in different places.

We cannot, nor do we need to, try to control what gives adults their sense of purpose.

On the heels of the COVID-19 global pandemic and the racial uprisings following the murder of George Floyd by police – many Americans revisited their own sense of purpose. Understandably, workers engaged in deeper and different self-reflection including, and not limited to:

o With time as my most limited resource, how do I want to spend my working hours and working life?

o How am I unwilling to spend my time in order to make the money I need to live?

o Who do I want to work for? Who don’t I want to work for?

o What do I want to work towards?

o Who do I want to work with?

o What needs my attention and energy at the moment? My health? My family? My community? My healing? What job, role, or company could I engage with that would afford me this needed freedom?

I’ve talked earlier in this essay series about how workers in modern-day America are very clear about wanting freedom. They also want a sense of purpose.

Human beings as automatons or cogs in a wheel is not something workers are interested in.

Adults are wholly uninterested in arbitrariness—arbitrary deadlines, arbitrary meetings, arbitrarily manufactured stress. They would prefer to be told the truth about what is impactful and what is less so. Not all adults are interested in or willing to abandon a sense of purpose they may get in a different facet of their lives for an “all-in” spiritual commitment to their jobs.

As leaders, managers, and colleagues, we each have an opportunity. We can choose to consciously connect with our own sense of what gives us purpose – what feels like a good use of our time and energy – what makes us feel proud and excellent and like we’re living in alignment with our own sense of calling.

We can also choose not to force others to ‘perform’ work-centered purpose at or near us. If we are feeling hot and motivated about the tasks and goals in front of us right now – cool – go for it. Just be sure to allow breathing room to appreciate your colleagues excellent work and contributions whether or not they are singing the proverbial company song or tattooing the logo on their forearm.

- We can be excellent and loyal and forward thinking and mainly find our current sense of purpose in parenting.

- We can be innovative and creative and reliable collaborators and mainly find our current sense of purpose in training towards a physical challenge we’re excited about.

- We can be leaders and top sellers and drivers of strategy and find our current sense of purpose alone in our kitchen trying out recipes from viral cooking videos.

We are whole people. Let’s practice living into the “work/life/balance” mantras that have been ubiquitous but skin deep for so many of us for so long.

Margin is okay. Multiple interests are okay. We can each practice modeling what we preach. We can share what is giving us our current sense of purpose and can bear witness to the shape that takes for others.

Thank you for reading or listening! I know your time and attention are both precious. Re-post, share, and let me know what you think! It always helps me to hear how these are landing for you – trina@trinaolson.com.

Next week, on this journey to write 52 Essays in 52 Weeks, I will share an essay about the tension between individualism and interdependence.

Yours,